Behind Drawn Curtains
by RollisiFanGirl
Summary: Each case hit her like a ton of bricks, but there was one particular case of child abuse that changed her life in ways the other cases didn't. This particular case consisted of two young girls whose parents made the fortunate mistake of moving next door to the seasoned detective. What happens when Lieutenant Benson meets eleven year old Amanda Rollins?
1. Chapter 1

**A/n: hi, everyone! Here is yet another story! This story idea and most of what I wrote came from the amazing mind of rehabreflections ! She is greatly helping me with this story, and credit goes to her for all of her lovely ideas! I hope you like this story! :)**

 **xx**

 _Olivia Benson had been working for New York City's Special Victims Unit for about fifteen years, and last year, she was promoted to lieutenant. Her life revolved very much around her job. She was passionate about what she did. She wanted to help victims heal and get justice. If she could do that, maybe her existence wouldn't be such a waste. Maybe her life could be more than an accident that occurred after her mother was raped. She couldn't help her mother, but perhaps she could help others before they turned into replicas of her mother._

 _In all her years as an SVU detective, Olivia Benson believed she had seen everything. She worked cases where teenagers were assaulted on their walk home late at night. She interviewed victims who felt they weren't victims because the abuser was their significant other. She'd worked with victims who didn't want to report the abuse. She'd seen victims in the hospital, terrified of just about everything. She'd known victims who killed themselves after violent attacks. She even witnessed the daughter of a victim shoot at her mother's attackers in the middle of the squad room once. She took her cases home with her, despite the attempted mindset of not taking your work home. Each case hit her like a ton of bricks, but there was one particular case of child abuse that changed her life in ways the other cases didn't. This particular case consisted of two young girls whose parents made the fortunate mistake of moving next door to the seasoned detective_.

Bruises colored her skin, and welts decorated her torso. Make up hid the injuries that clothes couldn't. The wounds never had time to fully heal before another beating took place. Her body had grown used to being sore. Her stomach had grown used to being hungry. Her legs had grown used to being apart. She knew all the best hiding places, even though she knew hiding only made things worse. Her screams at night were loud, but they must've been deafening because nobody ever seemed to hear them. She cried often, and people just assumed she was too sensitive, but she wasn't too sensitive. She was abused.

Amanda Rollins was eleven years old, but many people who spoke to her would argue that she had the mind of an adult. The young girl had seen so much of the world at such a young age. Her mother passed away due to complications after giving birth to the young girl. Her father was a different man after that. He blamed the young blonde for his wife's death. As the baby girl grew, her father became more violent towards her. He used his daughter as a punching bag, and when she turned ten, he decided she should have to satisfy his needs since his wife was gone and it was apparently her fault.

James Rollins met Beth Anne when Amanda was eight. Beth Anne had a daughter of her own, Kim, who was five. James loved Kim. He thought she was a wonderful kid who could do no wrong. He loved her more than his biological daughter. Beth Anne didn't like Amanda, mainly because she was not her biological daughter, and both James and Beth Anne were bitter and abusive towards the little girl. James and Beth Anne were together for almost three years before they were married a few weeks ago. The dysfunctional family moved into a nice house in a good neighborhood in Manhattan a day before falling out of a tree changed the path of Amanda's life.

Amanda was in Kim's bedroom, helping the younger girl unpack. They were step sisters, but Kim always looked at Amanda as though they were biological sisters. Amanda understood the difference between step and biological, but she loved Kim very much. The two stepsisters got along well, even though both parents despised Amanda. Amanda didn't resent Kim for the abuse because it was not her fault.

"Mandy, can we go play outside?" Kim asked.

"Maybe later, Kimmy. We need to unpack first," Amanda answered.

"Okay. But when we go outside, I want to climb the trees like you do. Will you teach me how?" Kim asked. Amanda loved to climb trees, and Kim always watched in awe as her older step sister climbed.

"Sure," Amanda agreed, placing stuffed animals on Kim's bed.

"Yay!" Kim cheered, causing Amanda to smile.

Amanda did most of the unpacking in Kim's room, giving the younger girl small jobs here and there. Her room was finished after a few hours, and Kim continued pestering Amanda to play outside.

"Kim, I still have to unpack my room," Amanda reminded her.

"Do it later. Please, Mandy! I want to play outside," Kim begged, giving her sister big eyes. Amanda sighed.

"Okay, okay. We can go play, but only for a little bit," Amanda decided. Kim cheered and began putting on her converse. Amanda went to put her shoes on before going downstairs.

"You have to ask because they always say yes to you," Amanda told her sister as they entered the kitchen.

"Mommy, can me and Mandy go play outside?" Kim asked.

"Is your room unpacked?" Beth Anne asked her daughter.

"Yes, Mandy helped me do it," Kim smiled.

"Amanda, is your room unpacked?" Beth Anne questioned, a hint of venom in her voice.

"N-no," Amanda mumbled, looking down.

"Kimmy, you can go play, but Amanda has to unpack her room and do some other chores," Beth Anne decided.

"But Mommy, I want to play with Mandy. Please. Just for a little bit?" Kim begged. Beth Anne sighed. No one could say no to Kim's innocent face.

"All right. Just for a little bit," Beth Anne gave in. She glared at Amanda.

"You keep an eye on Kim," Beth Anne ordered. Amanda nodded, and the two kids went outside to play.

As soon as they got outside, Kim ran to the nearest tree.

"Mandy, help me climb it!" Kim requested.

"Okay, but be careful," Amanda said seriously. Kim nodded excitedly.

Next door, a woman was sitting on her porch, reading a book. She heard the two young children playing in their yard and smiled at them. She loved children, and she loved watching them have fun. So much of her job was spent helping children in a terrible situations, and it was refreshing to see two happy kids playing together. The woman didn't have children of her own, but she treated every child she met as though they were her own.

She watched as an older girl helped a younger one climb a tree. The two kids spoke loudly, and Olivia figured out their names were Mandy and Kimmy.

"Kimmy, grab my hand. It's okay," Amanda tried to soothe her younger sister. Kim was growing nervous as she got higher, and she was starting to regret climbing the tree in the first place.

"I wanna get down," Kim whimpered.

"Kimmy, it's okay. Just a little higher. Grab my hand," Amanda encouraged. Kim reached for her sister's hand, but lost her balance. She fell out of tree. It wasn't a long fall, but the young girl was still in pain. She screamed out in pain, and Amanda jumped down from the tree.

"Are you okay, Kimmy?" Amanda asked, worried for her younger sister. Kim sat up, and Amanda hugged her.

"What hurts?" Amanda questioned. Kim was wailing too much to answer. Amanda was desperately trying to calm her sister down when the front door opened.

"What's going on out here?" James demanded. Amanda flinched at his angry voice. Kim got up and ran to her step father.

"I fell out of the tree," she cried in his arms.

"Why did you let her climb the tree?" He yelled at Amanda. The neighbor noticed how frightened the girl looked.

"I-I'm s-sorry. Sh-she w-wanted to climb it, and I-I thought," Amanda stuttered.

"How could you be so stupid?!" James hissed.

"I-I'm s-sorry, D-Daddy," the girl whimpered.

"Get inside!" He growled. Amanda ran inside the house and to her bedroom. She knew she was in trouble, and she was terrified.

The neighbor felt bad for the older girl, who clearly hadn't meant to do anything wrong. She felt the father overreacted, but she figured he was simply worried for his younger daughter, who was in pain. Still, the overreaction of the father and fear on the little girl's face concerned the neighbor. She overheard Kim trying to tell her father it wasn't Mandy's fault, but the father wasn't really listening. The neighbor wanted to believe he was simply stressed out with moving, but the detective in her told her it was something more than stress. She decided she would get a look at the family for herself.

Amanda was huddled up in the corner of her bedroom. She had closed her curtains to prevent the chance of anyone seeing what was about to happen. Tears were streaming down her face, and her body was trembling. She felt guilty that Kim got hurt, but she was more afraid about the repercussions she would face from her father. Her bedroom door slammed open a few minutes later, causing her to scream. Her father closed the door and approached the young girl.

"What were you thinking? It's your fault Kimmy got hurt," he growled.

"I-I'm s-sorry, D-Daddy. I-I d-didn't-I didn't m-mean t-to," Amanda whimpered, even though she knew her apology would be meaningless to her father.

James gripped his daughter's blonde hair and yanked her to her feet. He slapped her across the face, causing to her to cry out in pain. Punches and slaps attacked her body as profanities and insults attacked her heart. Her screams and cries did nothing to stop the beating or cruel words. It was as though James didn't even hear his daughter's pleas. They entered through one ear and exited through the other.

Amanda wasn't sure how much time passed before her father shoved her to the ground and exited the bedroom. He slammed the door on his way out, causing Amanda to flinch. Amanda curled up in the corner of her bedroom. She was in so much pain, and she couldn't seem to stop the trembling of her body. She tried to quiet her cries, knowing her father and step-mother hated hearing them. A couple of minutes later, her door opened again, and Amanda flinched.

"P-please, n-no m-more," she whimpered.

"Mandy, it's me!" Kim chirped, softly closing the bedroom. Kim made her way to her sister and hugged her.

"Did Daddy hit you again?" Kim asked.

"Are you okay? Does anything hurt from falling?" Amanda dodged Kim's question.

"No, not anymore," Kim shrugged.

"Good," Amanda whispered.

"Can I help you unpack your room?" Kim wondered.

"No, Kim. Go play in your room," Amanda said. She loved her step-sister, but she wanted to be alone right now. Kim got up and went to her bedroom.

After a few more minutes, Amanda found the strength to stand up and start unpacking her bedroom. She didn't have very many things, so unpacking was significantly shorter than unpacking Kim's room. Amanda was done with her room within an hour. She heard Beth Anne call Kim downstairs for dinner. Amanda didn't usually get dinner or any other meal for that matter. Most of the food she ate was either stolen or taken while her parents were asleep or out of the house.

Around seven pm, the neighbor who had watched the children playing earlier decided to go introduce herself. She knew moving into a new neighborhood was always easier when a neighbor offered friendship. She took a lasagna with her, knowing cooking was difficult when a house still needed unpacking. She approached the house and knocked on the front door. A woman opened it a few seconds later.

"Yes?" The lady asked.

"Hi, I just wanted to stop by and welcome you into the neighborhood. I'm Olivia. I love next door," the neighbor introduced herself.

"I'm Beth Anne. James!" She called. A man appeared seconds later.

"This is our neighbor, Olivia," Beth Anne smiled.

"Nice to meet you. Uh, I brought a lasagna," Olivia said, handing the dish to Beth Anne.

"What did you bring?" A new voice asked. Olivia looked down at the little girl.

"Hi, sweetie. I'm Olivia," Olivia smiled.

"I'm Kimmy!" Kim chirped.

"Hi, Kimmy. I saw you and your sister playing together earlier. Where is she?" Olivia asked.

"Amanda's in her room. That kid is such a troublemaker," James rolled his eyes.

"She didn't mean to. We were only playing," Kim shrugged.

"Would it be all right if I introduced myself to her?" Olivia wondered.

"No. She's in trouble, so she'll be in her room the rest of the night. Maybe some other time," James said, not wanting anyone to see the bruises on his daughter.

"Oh. Okay, then. Well, you have a nice night, and let me know if you need anything," Olivia forced a smile. She turned and headed back to her house.

Olivia paced around in her bedroom. She knew something seemed off about her new neighbors. She had no proof, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Olivia decided all she could do was keep an eye on the family. She looked out her bedroom window as if staring at the house next door would solve the problem. She learned that her window faced one of the bedroom windows next door. There were pink curtains drawn, so Olivia couldn't see inside the house. She wondered what was going on behind those curtains.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two days later**

"It's all your fault!" He boomed, throwing another slap across his daughter's face. The only reason the sobbing child was still standing was because he was holding her by her hair.

"She would still be alive if it wasn't for you!" He yelled, hitting her torso with his leather belt. The little girl let out another wail. She was in pain, and she only wanted for her father to leave her alone.

"I-I'm s-sorry, D-Daddy! I-I didn't m-mean t-to!" Amanda cried. She struggled against her father's grip, but he was too strong for her. He threw a punch at her stomach before tossing her onto the bed.

"She's not here to satisfy me, and that's _your_ fault," he growled.

Amanda didn't know what he meant when he talked about her mother satisfying him. All she knew was that whenever those words left his mouth, something far more painful and scarier than a beating was about to take place. She curled herself into a ball, pleading for her father to leave her alone. There was really no point in begging her father not to cause her harm. Her pleas meant nothing to him, and sometimes, they only added to his anger.

"Take off your clothes," he demanded.

"P-please, D-Daddy. N-not again. I'll be g-good," Amanda whimpered.

"Now!" He boomed, slapping her again. She took her shirt off, wanting to avoid another hit. He was going to make her satisfy him-whatever that meant-no matter what, so she figured she may as well do what she could to lessen the pain.

He decided she was taking too long to undress, so he pulled off her pajama bottoms and underwear. Amanda was trembling with fear. She could barely manage to stutter out words that begged for him leave her alone. He ignored her pleas and began to kiss her. While he touched her, she tried to think of anything else. She tried to imagine herself somewhere else where she was happy.

She imagined herself at Disneyland, going on all of the rides with Kim, and being happy. It was just the two of them. She'd never been to Disneyland, so she tried her best to imagine what it was like. Her imagination could provide only a small distraction, as she was very aware of what was taking place in reality. She hated reality. She wished she could live in her dreams; her dreams were safer and happier.

The minuscule distraction of imagination was interrupted when James Rollins shoved himself inside of Amanda. Amanda let out a piercing scream, followed by many cries of pain. She began pleading, again, for her father to stop. He didn't listen. He kept doing what he wanted to until he was finished. When he finally came out of her, Amanda hugged her knees to her chest, wishing the pain between her legs would subside.

"Learn to be a good girl like Kim," he hissed before exiting her bedroom. Amanda flinched at the sound of the door slamming.

She remained curled up in fetal position on her bed for a long time. Her breathing was unsteady, and she was having difficult controlling it. Tears were streaming down her face. The snot running from her nose made it even harder to breathe, but she almost didn't care. A part of her hoped she would suffocate, and she considered facing down on her bed to increase the chances of asphyxiation occurring. Amanda didn't want to die, but she was tired of surviving and not living. What was the point of surviving if she couldn't live? She didn't want to stop breathing; she wanted to escape her current life situation.

After about an hour, she had regained control of her breathing and almost stopped crying. Her body was still slightly trembling, and the pain she was experiencing was awful. She pulled herself off her bed, grabbed a new set of clothes, and dragged herself to the bathroom. She couldn't comprehend what it was that her dad did to her, but every time he did it, she felt dirty and wanted to shower.

Showering was always difficult after her dad did what he did. It often took her a long time to get through the shower, and she never really felt much cleaner after them. After her shower, it was close to midnight. Amanda hadn't eaten all day; she wasn't allowed to. However, her father and Beth Anne were asleep now, so she knew she could get away with it.

She tried to ignore the excruciating pain between her legs as she made her way down the stairs. It took her longer than usual to get down the stairs, and when she did, she wondered how she was going to get back up them. Amanda entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. She found some leftover chicken and decided to eat that. She didn't want to risk waking her parents with the sound of the microwave, so she ate the chicken cold. When one is as hungry as Amanda was, the temperature of the food doesn't really matter. She ate quickly before exiting the kitchen, wanting to go to sleep. She pulled herself up the staircase, wincing in pain each step. When she reached the top of the staircase, it seemed like a major victory.

Amanda went to her bedroom and closed the door. She wished her door had a lock. Maybe if it did, she would be safer. She looked out her window, wondering if it would be worth it to jump from the second story and run. The pain between her legs told Amanda she couldn't make the jump in a painless fashion. Besides, even if she could make a clean jump, she had nowhere to go. She didn't have friends, and the only biological family she knew was her father. She ran away once when she was nine, and her father found her. She endured a horrible beating and decided it might not be worth ever trying to run again.

Amanda looked up at the stars, wondering if her mother was watching over her. Amanda wasn't sure if she was, but she figured even if her mother was watching over Amanda, she was probably angry at Amanda for killing her. Amanda didn't mean to kill her though, and she didn't even know how she killed her. How does a newborn baby kill somebody?

As Amanda's eyes scanned the night sky, she noticed the window directly across from her own. It belonged to the house of the neighbor who dropped off the lasagna. Amanda hadn't met her, but Kim told her all about the neighbor. Her name was Olivia, but Kim didn't remember her last name. She thinks it started with a "B". Amanda wondered if the window across from hers was Olivia's bedroom. From all that Kim said, Olivia seemed kind. If Olivia really was kind, Amanda would like to know her.

Amanda drew her curtains together so that Amanda couldn't see out her window anymore. More importantly, no one could see _into_ the window behind the drawn curtains. Amanda crawled under her covers. While the events of tonight traumatized her, exhaustion weighed a bit heavier on her shoulders. It didn't take long for her to drift off and fall asleep.

At night, typical kids look for many reasons to stay up longer. They express their fear about monsters under their beds. They worry about nightmares. However, Amanda Rollins was not a typical kid. At night, she wanted to go to bed as early as possible in order to avoid her parents. She didn't fear monsters under bed; she feared the monsters that slept in the master bedroom. She wasn't worried about nightmares because her subconscious couldn't imagine anything worse than her reality.

* * *

"Mandy, Mandy! Wake up! We have school!" Kim cheered, sitting on top of her step sister. Amanda's eyes shot open, and she pushed Kim off her stomach, trying to ease the extra pain Kim was causing.

"We have school, Mandy," Kim smiled. Amanda had completely forgotten about school after last night's events. It was their first day at their new school.

"Mandy, will you braid my hair?" Kim asked as Amanda got up from her bed and began making it.

"Why don't you ask your mom to braid it?" Amanda responded.

"She's not as good at it as you," Kim answered.

"Fine, but let me get dressed first," Amanda gave in.

"Okay! I'll go get my brush and ponytails!" Kim chirped before running out of her bedroom. Amanda had no idea how that kid was so happy.

Amanda put on some jeans and a t shirt before brushing her hair. She applied make up to hide her bruises. Kim noticed the bruises when she woke her sister up, but she didn't comment on them. By now, bruises on Amanda seemed to be a normality.

Kim rushed back into Amanda's bedroom with her hair brush and a couple of hair ties. She happily sat on the bed and handed Amanda the hair brush. Amanda took her time braiding Kim's hair to prolong having to go downstairs. Once she did finish braiding Kim's hair, the two girls went to the kitchen.

"Here's your lunch, Kimmy," Beth Anne smiled, handing a brown paper bag to her daughter.

"Thanks, Mom!" Kim chirped. Amanda didn't ask for lunch, nor did she ask for money to buy lunch. Her father had made it clear that Amanda didn't need lunch to survive.

"Have a good first day, Kimmy," James smiled, kissing his step daughter on her head.

"I will!" Kim beamed.

"Amanda, remember that what happens in this house is secret, understood?" James asked in a threatening tone.

"Yes," Amanda whispered. She would never tell anyone about the things that went on this house. She was far too afraid of the consequences that James and Beth Anne promised would happen if she told.

"What secrets?" Kim asked innocently.

"Honey, Daddy just means that we don't talk about when Amanda is a bad girl and gets punished for it," Beth Anne told her daughter.

"Why not?" Kim wondered.

 _She asks too many questions._ Amanda thought to herself. She loved Kim. Really she did, but sometimes, Amanda wished Kim knew when to just shut up and listen.

"We just don't, Kim," Amanda answered sharply.

"Watch your attitude," Beth Anne snapped.

"I'm sorry," Amanda whispered, not wanting another bruise to decorate her body.

The two stepsisters exited the house, and Amanda held the younger girl's hand. Their new school was only about four blocks away outside of their neighborhood. Kim was chatting away about how excited she was for school. Her face lit up even more when they passed by the neighbor's house and noticed the woman was sitting on her porch with a cup of coffee.

"Hi, Olivia!" Kim smiled.

"Hi, Kimmy," Olivia greeted, getting up from her seat and walking towards the girls.

"And you must be Amanda. Hi, sweetie. I'm Olivia," the woman introduced herself. She held out her hand for the child to shake, and she noticed when Amanda flinched.

"Hi," Amanda shyly answered.

"Where are you girls headed off to?" Olivia wondered.

"School! It's me and Mandy's first day!" Kim beamed.

"Oh, that sounds fun. Do you girls need a ride?" Olivia asked. Kim was about to answer, but Amanda beat her to it.

"No, thank you," Amanda quickly responded.

"Why not?" Kim questioned her step sister.

"Because Kim. We can't just get into a stranger's car. Let's go," Amanda told the younger girl. Amanda didn't care how kind Olivia seemed; she learned long ago not to trust anyone.

"Bye, Olivia!" Kim smiled.

"Bye, girls. Have a nice day," Olivia smiled back.

As the two children walked away, Olivia noticed that the older girl was limping. She hadn't seen Amanda since a few days ago when she and Kim played outside. She wondered what happened that caused Amanda to limp. Olivia continued to ponder the things that were causing her to feel uneasy. She remembered how afraid Amanda looked when her father yelled at her after Kim fell out of the tree. When Olivia stopped by to introduce herself, Mr. Rollins informed her that Amanda in her bedroom because she was in trouble. She didn't understand why Amanda when Olivia tried to shake her hand, and she worried about what was causing the young girl to limp.

Olivia tried to ignore the negative thoughts. She tried to shake the feeling that something was wrong. She figured she was simply paranoid since her job as a detective worked with so many abused children. Despite the fact that she was sure she was over analyzing the situation, something seemed wrong.

* * *

When the girls reached their new school, Amanda showed Kim where her new class was. Then, she made her way to her own classroom. She noticed all the other children playing outside, and she wondered what it was like to be that happy.

Amanda entered her new classroom. She saw her new teacher sitting at her desk, and she noticed a young boy sitting at his desk, reading a book. The teacher looked up from her papers and smiled. The boy looked up as well, interested with the unfamiliar person in the classroom. The teacher stood up from her desk and made her way over to the new girl.

"Hi, are you Amanda?" The teacher asked. Amanda nodded.

"Hi, Amanda. I'm Mrs. Clark. Welcome to your new school," Mrs. Clark smiled. Amanda only smiled in response.

"When class starts, I'll assign someone to show you around the school. For now, you can sit down. Your desk is right here next to Sonny's," Mrs. Clark stated, gesturing to the desk next to the young boy. Amanda nodded and sat down at the desk. The boy looked at her and gave her a cheesy grin.

"Hi. I'm Dominick Carisi Junior, but you can call me Sonny," the boy introduced himself.

"I'm Amanda."


	3. Chapter 3

Amanda and Sonny were fast friends. When Mrs. Clark asked someone to show Amanda around, Sonny was the only one who volunteered. A few kids giggled and avoided eye contact, not wanting to show around the new girl, who was quickly labeled as a freak. Amanda didn't know what about her earned her the label of freak. However, such labels didn't really bother Amanda as she was used to them by now. At her old school, she kept very much to herself and never had many friends, so she was used to the labels and the lack of popularity. She didn't care either way. Having friends never really mattered to her seeing as she had problems that concerned her more than popularity.

She didn't mind not having friends, though she would've liked one. However, she wasn't very good at trusting, and she felt like that was an important component in friendship. For that reason and her preference of being alone, along with the fact that most kids didn't take a particular interest in befriending her, Amanda didn't really try to make friends. She liked Sonny though. From what she could pick up, it seemed as though Sonny was also unpopular. He was kind, but he was a bit dorky. Amanda wasn't phased by his dorkiness though because he was the only student who was willing to befriend her. A few kids introduced themselves to her, but they didn't stick around to learn about her. Sonny stuck around though. He had an interest in the new girl. He was most likely befriending her because he wasn't getting many offers of friendship, but he seemed like a genuinely good person. He and Amanda shared a few words during class and even had a few giggles when a joke was made.

During recess, Amanda figured he would run off with friends, and she went to sit on a bench. She liked recess, but she didn't like to run around and play. She preferred to sit down and think. During this time, she didn't ponder her home life; she instead observed other people or made up stories in her head where she was happy and safe. Her imagination was her only escape, and she took it very seriously. She never shared her imagination with anyone because she didn't want them to find a crawl space into the one place she felt free.

Apparently, Amanda's assumption that Sonny wasn't getting many offers of friendship was correct. Sonny didn't have other friends. To Amanda's surprise, he followed her to the bench. He had a book in his hand, and Amanda figured reading was his escape. She was glad Sonny had his escape. She knew the world was cruel, and she thought it was nice to escape reality at times. When the two sat down, Sonny seemed surprised that Amanda didn't also have a book.

"You're just gonna sit here?" Sonny asked, and Amanda nodded.

"That's boring," he stated, opening his book.

"I prefer to watch other people," Amanda quietly defended herself.

"So you're like a stalker?" Sonny asked, half teasingly, half confused. Amanda sighed in frustration. Kids her age never seemed to understand her imagination or observations, and she wasn't sure why she kept hoping they would.

"No," she grumbled.

"Sorry. I just don't get why you watch people. That _sounds_ like something a stalker would do," Sonny explained his reasoning.

"It's not like that. I'm just interested in how people behave and why," Amanda informed him.

"Oh, like a sociologist?" Sonny figured.

"Something like that," Amanda confirmed, glad he was beginning to understand what she meant.

"Is that what you wanna be when you grow up?" Sonny wondered.

"A sociologist? No. I want to study criminology and maybe be a detective or a psychiatrist and analyze why criminals do the things they do," Amanda answered. She thought a lot about her future.

"What's criminology?" Sonny questioned, unfamiliar with the term.

"It's the study of criminals and crimes. I want to study why criminals behave the way they do and why they commit crimes," Amanda explained. She wanted to learn why her parents treated her the way they treated her.

"Oh. That seems cool!" Sonny nodded, fascinated by what his new friend wanted to be.

"Yeah! What do you wanna be when you grow up?" Amanda wondered.

"I want to be a lawyer," Sonny beamed.

"That'd be awesome! Maybe we can work a case together!" Amanda smiled. The two went on to talk about how fun their jobs would be until the bell rang. The two walked back to class together, and Amanda noticed how other students walked together in groups. It seemed like they all had a nice group of friends, unlike her and Sonny.

As Amanda sat back in her desk, she began to wonder what it was about her and Sonny that made them to class outcasts. She thought that maybe it had to do with the way she dressed, but she realized Sonny dressed nicely, so why would he be the freak? She decided that maybe their levels of maturity were higher than the rest of the class. Maybe the class just wasn't ready for them. Amanda pushed aside the thoughts as Mrs. Clark began teaching a math lesson.

The second half of the day dragged on, mainly because Amanda was hungry. The only thing she'd eaten in the last twenty four hours was that cold, leftover chicken around midnight. Amanda dreaded lunchtime because she would be around food and unable to consume any of it. She didn't understand why her father and Beth Anne didn't think she was worth feeding.

In the cafeteria, Amanda sat alone at a table. Sitting alone was not unusual for the young girl. She often felt safer alone than she did in the presence of others. However, she watched as cliques of girls sat together and chatted more than ate. A part of her longed to be in one those cliques, and another part of her despised them all for being so exclusive and self centered.

"Hi, Amanda," Sonny smiled, sitting next to his friend.

"Hi," Amanda greeted him, trying to ignore her hunger. Though she appreciated having someone sit with her, she wished he hadn't. She was hungry, and she didn't want to be around food when she knew she couldn't eat it.

"You don't have a lunch?" Sonny asked, noticing her lack of a brown paper bag. Amanda shook her head, trying not to look sad.

"Why not?" Sonny wondered.

"Um, I-I forgot it at home," Amanda lied.

"Aren't you hungry? Do you want some of mine?" Sonny questioned.

"No, thank you. I'm not hungry," Amanda lied again. Her stomach growled a second later, catching the girl in her lie.

"I'm not just going to eat in front of you. We can share. I have enough for the both of us," Sonny offered.

Before Amanda could politely decline, Sonny began evenly dividing his food. He took his plastic silverware and sliced his sandwich in half. He had six strawberries, so he gave Amanda three. He had a bag of five Oreos, and he split one in half so they could have an even amount. Because they were his Oreos, they agreed he should get the half with the icing on it. He had a juice box, but they couldn't split that. Since Sonny had a water bottle in his backpack, he gave his juice box to Amanda.

"Thank you, Sonny. You didn't have to share your food," Amanda smiled, staring at the food. She happily took a bite from the sandwich.

"You're welcome. When I'm hungry, I can barely focus in class, so I figured you shouldn't be hungry since we still have class," Sonny shrugged.

The two ate their halves of the meal in silence. Sonny wondered why Amanda lied about being hungry or ask for some of his lunch. Maybe she was worried Sonny wouldn't share. Judging by how quickly she ate, one may have though she _was_ starving. If Sonny knew her better, he would've known she was starving. Amanda thanked Sonny multiple times, and Sonny didn't see what the big deal was.

The bell rang at two thirty, and it was time to go home. Most kids like going home after school. Not Amanda. She dreaded going home, afraid of what awaited her. Kim was already at home because the second graders got out at two. Beth Anne picked her up, but she wouldn't be picking up Amanda because Amanda wasn't worth the drive back to the school.

There was a Smarties candy tucked into her pocket. It was awarded to Sonny for getting an A on some test, but he didn't like Smarties, so he gave them to his only friend. Amanda was grateful for his kindness. He didn't know it, but that candy would most likely be the only thing she ate for dinner.

Sonny and Amanda were crossing the basketball court when a small group of girls started whispering about the two. The girls were giggling and pointing, as though their little gossip session wasn't meant to be secretive. Sonny wasn't phased by the whispers because he was used to them, but Amanda started to feel insecure.

"Hey, Amanda! Why are you hanging out with Dominick? He's a freak!" One girl shouted.

"I guess opposites _don't_ attract," another girl snickered, implying that Amanda was also a freak.

"Call me Sonny," Sonny groaned, not understanding why people called him by his real name instead of his nickname.

"You're a freak, Amanda! Go back to your other school!" The first girl hissed. Amanda rolled her eyes, which must've irritated the girl because she threw a rock at Amanda. The rock hit her ankle, and she let out a cry. She wondered how that girl would've acted if she'd known Amanda was already abused at home.

"What was that for?!" Sonny screamed, angered that the girl resorted to physical violence. He could handle the whispers, and he was sure Amanda could too, but he hated when anyone got physical. Sonny had been beat up a few times at school, and physical violence towards others never sat well with him. The girls started laughing and walked away. Sonny resisted the urge to throw the rock at the girl and instead, helped his friend over to a bench.

"Are you okay?" Sonny asked as she sat down. When compared to everything Amanda had been through, a rock to the ankle wasn't too horrible.

"I'm fine," Amanda answered, used to being hit.

"Are you sure?" Sonny questioned, deeply concerned.

"Yes. Don't worry, I'm fine," Amanda insisted. Someone called the boy's name, and he realized his mother was there to pick him up.

"I have to go. Is your mom gonna pick you up?" Sonny wondered.

"Yeah. She'll pick me up," Amanda lied. Sonny nodded and hurried to his mother's car, telling Amanda he'd see her tomorrow.

Amanda managed to find the strength to get up and start walking home. Her body was already in pain, and the swollen bruise on her ankle wasn't helping anything. Her limp was now even worse than this morning. Still, she managed to drag her feet the four blocks back into her neighborhood.

Olivia Benson was in her front yard, doing a bit of gardening. She found it relaxing. It was one of the few things that helped relieved her of the everyday stress brought on by her job.

As she was gardening, she saw Amanda trying to walk to her new house. Olivia noticed the young girl's nasty limp as she dragged her feet along. Her first thought was that the child had gotten hurt during recess or PE.

"Amanda, are you okay?" Olivia asked, getting up and approaching the child. Amanda nodded hastily, wanting to stay away from her neighbor.

"Why are you limping, sweetie?" Olivia wondered.

"I fell at school," Amanda lied, hoping she would be believed.

"You were limping this morning too. Did you fall at school yesterday?" Olivia challenged.

"Yeah," Amanda nodded.

"Hmm, that's odd. I thought _today_ was your first day at school," Olivia stated, remembering how Kim told her this morning that it was their first day.

"I, um, I," Amanda stuttered, trying to think of another lie. Olivia placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, but the little girl flinched away.

"I'm sorry I lied!" Amanda quickly apologized, shielding her face with her hands. Her parents punished her violently whenever she lied, and she feared what Olivia might do.

"It's all right, sweetheart. Can you tell me what really happened?" Olivia asked, hoping Amanda would be truthful this time.

"Wh-when Kim fell from the tree and I jumped down, I think I landed wrong," Amanda lied. She always had some lie about falling from a tree in her mind in case someone noticed her limping and cared enough to ask about it.

"Okay," Olivia responded slowly, not fully convinced.

"I-I have to g-go," Amanda declared.

Amanda made her way to the house. She was in a hurry to get away from her neighbor, so she tried to ignore the terrible pain she was in. Once she was in her house, she accomplished what she thought would be a seemingly impossible challenge of getting up the stairs. However, it was easier this time than it was last night.

Olivia went back into her house, no longer in the mood to garden. She sat on her couch, pondering every little detail about Amanda, trying to figure out the child's secret. Amanda lied about falling at school, but Olivia still didn't know what really happened. Amanda claimed it was from jumping from that tree, but why lie and say she fell at school in the first place? Something was off. The way Amanda flinched away from Olivia's physical contact and the fact that she shielded her face when Olivia caught her in a lie worried Olivia very much. The middle aged woman wanted to ignore the feeling that something was wrong; she wanted to believe she was more paranoid than realistic about the situation. However, Amanda's lying and jumpiness was telling her that paranoia was not a factor in this situation.

Olivia wanted to think the fear in Amanda's eyes was just a figment of her imagination, but Amanda's flinch proved otherwise. Olivia wanted to believe Amanda wasn't in any danger, but the fact that Amanda was refusing to tell Olivia why she was limping proved otherwise. Olivia wanted to be sure Amanda was safe because so many reasons were proving otherwise.


	4. Chapter 4

A week had gone by, and Amanda was enjoying her new school. Even though she struggled in school, she liked learning. It wasn't always easy to get her homework done because of the roughness that was her home life. She usually turned in incomplete homework or nothing at all, but nonetheless, she was a smart girl. Amanda's popularity had not increase, but the bullying had. She was outcasted by her class, who liked to taunt her, whisper about her, and push her around. She was used the cruelness of others, but that did not decrease the pain it caused her.

Her only friend was Sonny, and he made up for the lack of friends Amanda had. He was kind to her. He shared his lunch with her everyday. He was curious about why Amanda never had lunch, but she didn't like to talk about it, so he didn't push her. Amanda was very reserved, and Sonny knew better than to press Amanda for answers she didn't want to give.

Olivia Benson was sitting out on her porch, enjoying a cup of coffee before work. She noticed the two young girls exiting their house, preparing to walk to school. The older girl was clearly upset, but that didn't surprise Olivia. Amanda never seemed very happy. Olivia figured she was just having trouble adjusting to the new setting.

Amanda's stomach was aching due to the punches she received from her father that morning. Her father woke up in a bad mood, and he took it out on his daughter. Amanda's stomach growled, and but she didn't have time for breakfast, but it's not like her mother would've let her eat breakfast anyway. Instead, she asked if she could take a lunch to school, and her stepmother mocked her, stating that she did not deserve to eat. According to her mother, Amanda should just be glad they _sometimes_ give her dinner.

Kim thanked her mother for preparing her lunch. Beth Anne smiled at her daughter, saying she was welcome.

"Amanda, take the trash on your way out," Beth Anne ordered. Amanda nodded and went to grab the bag.

"I'll do it, Mommy!" Kim said eagerly.

"That's okay, honey. Amanda is perfectly capable of doing it. She never does anything anyway," Beth Anne smiled. That wasn't true. Amanda was the only one who ever did chores.

Amanda sighed a little too loud, earning her a slap from Beth Anne.

"Lose the attitude," Beth Anne growled. Amanda nodded.

"Answer me with words!" Beth Anne raised her voice.

"Yes, Ma'am," Amanda whispered, her body trembling.

Amanda took the trash bag and exited the house with Kim following behind her. Olivia noticed the two children and smiled.

"Why can't you be more like Kim?" Beth Anne spat before slamming the front door shut. Amanda jumped at the sound. Olivia could see the sadness on Amanda's face, and her heart sank. She remembered her own mother often putting her down as a child and how deeply it effected her. Olivia brushed off the scene she witnessed as simply a bad morning, but when Kim rushed back into the house after realizing she forgot her homework, Olivia decided to try to comfort the older girl.

"Good morning, Amanda," Olivia greeted softly. She noticed Amanda flinch at her voice.

"Good morning, Miss Olivia," Amanda responded, her eyes glued to the ground. She always tried to be polite to adults, afraid they might get violent if she wasn't.

"Having a rough morning?" Olivia asked. Amanda nodded.

"Your mom's upset that you're not behaving like your sister?" Olivia figured.

"She's my step mom, and Kim's my step sister," Amanda corrected.

 _It's one of those situations_. Olivia thought to herself. She knew mixed families could be difficult at times. She figured there wasn't any abuse going on; it was probably just a family going through a rough patch.

"Oh, okay. Well, don't worry too much about being just like Kim. There's nothing wrong with being different," Olivia told her. Amanda rolled her eyes. She'd heard that line a hundred times, but she didn't believe it.

If being different was so good, why didn't Amanda have friends? Why did they treat her bad and point out that she was a freak? If being different was so good, why did she endure so much abuse from her family? Why was she constantly told that she should be more like Kim? If she were good enough, she wouldn't get so many beatings or hear so many cruel insults or have to play games with her father. She didn't know what about her was different, but nothing could convince her that being different was good.

Olivia sighed upon seeing Amanda's eye roll. She wasn't angry; she just wanted Amanda to hear her out. When Amanda heard her neighbor sign, she instinctively stepped back, fear clouding her eyes.

"Ready for school, Mandy? Hi, Miss Olivia!" Kim chirped.

"Yeah, let's go, Kim," Amanda answered quickly, grabbing her step sister's hand to pull her away.

"Amanda, wait a second," Olivia said, gently placing a hand on Amanda's shoulder. Amanda flinched at the physical contact.

"I'm sorry I rolled my eyes," Amanda apologized, moving away from her neighbor.

"Oh, it's okay, sweetie," Olivia told her.

"Are you gonna hit my sister?" Kim asked, worry evident in her voice.

"No, honey. I'd never hit your sister," Olivia answered, shocked by the question. Amanda's face drained of color. Kim shouldn't have asked that question.

"Why would you think that?" Olivia wondered.

"I don't know," Kim shrugged, suddenly remembering the rule about not telling anyone what happens when Amanda gets into trouble. Olivia gave the girls a questioning look.

"Come on, Kimmy. We have to go," Amanda declared, pulling her sister away.

Olivia was left to wonder about the scene that just occurred. Amanda flinched at physical contact and apologized for rolling her eyes when Olivia touched her again. She was clearly scared. Kim asked if she was going to hurt Amanda, which was an unusual question for a child to ask. Then, she said she didn't know why she would think that way. Something was very wrong, and Olivia needed to figure it out.

"Kim, you can't do that. Olivia could've found out. You need to watch your mouth," Amanda scolded her little sister.

"It was an accident," Kim responded.

"Well, don't let it happen again. You're gonna get me in trouble," Amanda told her. Kim nodded.

The two girls split up when they reached school. Kim went to play with her friends on the playground, and Amanda went to her usual bench to meet Sonny. When she reached the bench, she was happy to see her friend already there, reading a book.

"Hi, Sonny," Amanda smiled, sitting next to him.

"Hi, Amanda," Sonny smiled, excited to see his friend. He had a surprise for her at lunch, and he could hardly wait.

"Did you do your homework?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, did you?" Sonny wondered.

"No, I didn't have time. I was busy," Amanda sighed.

"Busy with what?" Sonny asked curiously.

"I was just busy, okay?" Amanda snapped. Sonny was quiet for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry. It was just a bad day, and I'm tired," Amanda apologized.

"It's okay. Do you want to copy mine?" Sonny asked. Under normal circumstances, Sonny would never let anybody copy his work. However, he noticed Amanda always seemed stressed, and he wanted to help her.

"Really? Thank you, Sonny," Amanda smiled gratefully. They both took out their homework.***

"Okay, class. Lunch time," Mrs. Clark announced. Kids cheered as they stood up from their desks to head to the cafeteria.

Sonny had mentioned to his mother that he'd been sharing his lunches with his new friend at school. His mother felt bad for the young girl, and she assumed the family probably just couldn't afford to send a lunch. Sonny asked his mother if he could start taking two lunches to school so that Amanda could eat more than half a meal. His mother loved the idea and went along with it. Sonny was so excited to tell Amanda the good news. She was always hungry at lunchtime, and Sonny was sure she'd be really happy.

"Amanda, I have a surprise for you!" Sonny beamed. Amanda gave him a confused look. No one ever gave her anything. Sonny pulled two lunch bags from his backpack and handed Amanda one, laughing as her eyes widened.

"My mom made two lunches so we could both eat a whole one," Sonny smiled. Amanda returned the smile.

"Thank you so much, Sonny!" Amanda grinned, hugging her friend. She was so glad she was able to have a lunch. She always felt guilty taking some of Sonny's lunch, and now, she wouldn't feel guilty.

"Ew! Sonny and Amanda are in love!" A girl taunted.

"No, we're not!" They argued simultaneously. The girl and her friends started laughing and chanting that the two were in love. Sonny and Amanda stormed off to the cafeteria, trying to ignore the taunting. Why was it so hard to believe a girl and a guy could be friends without romance?

Amanda happily ate the lunch Sonny brought her. It had been so long since she was last given a full meal, and she thought it was so considerate of Sonny to bring her her own lunch. She was so glad she'd made friends with Sonny. He was so kind, and it was so nice of his mother to even think about sending a lunch to a kid she didn't even know. Maybe good people _did_ exist. She decided to save half of her lunch for dinner, knowing no one would give her anything for dinner.

After lunch, Sonny and Amanda went outside. They sat on their usual bench, talking away about whatever came to mind. They mainly talked about the future. They liked to talk about their dreams and what they hoped for careers.

Sonny had always preferred to be alone at recess. He, instead, liked to read. Reading took him away from reality. He was intelligent and would achieve many things in life, but school was rough. He wasn't well liked and faced a lot of bullying due to it. When he read, it was as though he were escaping all the bullying. He always felt hopeful when reading. However, since meeting Amanda, he no longer preferred to be alone. He liked talking to Amanda because Amanda thought similarly to him. Their maturity levels exceeded those of their classmates. Amanda didn't judge him, and she was truly interested in everything he had to say. She was kind to him. Suddenly, recess wasn't so bad and reading wasn't his only escape. He had a friend.

Likewise, Amanda always preferred to be alone at recess. She, instead, liked to observe people or daydream. Daydreaming was her escape from the cruel reality that was her life. She was ambitious and smart, but life was so hard to live most of the time. She endured abuse at home and bullying at school. When she daydreamed, she could pretend that all was well in her life. Daydreaming allowed her to forget the abuse for a little while. However, since meeting Sonny, she no longer preferred to be alone. She liked talking to Sonny because Sonny had similar thoughts and goals. It was a maturity most students didn't have. Sonny didn't judge her, and he was truly interested in everything she had to say. He was kind to her. Suddenly, recess wasn't so bad and daydreaming wasn't her only escape. She had a friend.

"I'll be right back. I'm gonna go get some water," Amanda told her friend. Sonny nodded, and Amanda got up and walked towards the water fountain.

"You're such a freak," she heard someone say as she bent down to drink some water. She ignored the insult and drank water.

She felt a pair of her hands on her back. Before she could react, her face was shoved into the fountain. Water got into her nose, and she was coughing as she stood up. The group of kids in front of her started laughing. There were two girls and three boys. The taunting continued, and tears pricked in Amanda's eyes.

Sonny could see a group of students surrounding the water fountain where his friend was. Knowing that particular group didn't exactly consist of kind students, he stood up and made his way to the water fountain. When he got there, he saw that Amanda was crying due to the insults she was receiving from the group. They were mainly calling her weird, ugly, and a freak.

"Leave her alone!" Sonny shouted.

"Aw! Her boyfriend came to save her!" One girl said.

"I'm not her boyfriend! She's just my friend!" Sonny yelled. Sonny continued to argue with the group, only stopping when Amanda ran towards the bathroom.

Sonny ran after his friend. Boys weren't allowed in the girls' bathroom, so Sonny stood outside the bathroom. He could hear his friend sobbing, and he felt so bad for her.

"Amanda, it's okay. They're just jealous of you," Sonny tried to comfort her.

"There's nothing to be jealous of," Amanda mumbled.

"Hey! Don't say that. There's a lot to be jealous. They _wish_ they were as smart and nice and funny as you are. Remember what we talked about? They're just not mature," Sonny responded.

"I hate being a freak," Amanda whimpered.

"It's okay, Amanda. You're not a freak," Sonny told her.

"They all say I am," Amanda stated.

"They say I am too. It's okay though. We'll just be freaks together," Sonny smiled. His smile grew when he heard Amanda laugh. The bell rang, and Amanda exited the bathroom.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome," Sonny whispered back. He frowned when he noticed bruises on her face.

"Amanda, where did those bruises come from?" Sonny asked. Panic coursed through Amanda. The water from the fountain and her tears must've washed off her make up.

"My sister and I were playing softball, and I got hit with the ball," Amanda lied. Sonny nodded, convinced by the lie.

The two headed back to class, and it was time for silent reading. That was Sonny's favorite part of class. He began reading, deeply interested by his book. Amanda pretended to read, but she was really daydreaming.

"Amanda, where did those bruises come from?" Mrs. Clark wondered.

"Oh, I got hit by a ball at recess," Amanda lied. The teacher nodded. Sonny was confused because that's not what Amanda told him. Amanda actually got the bruises from her father's fists, but she didn't think anyone should know that. She only hoped Sonny wouldn't question her on the topic.

As the students read, Mrs. Clark handed math tests back to students. Some students expressed happiness with their scores, while others groaned. One kid stated that he was just glad he didn't fail. Mrs. Clark had to repeatedly tell her students to be quiet since it was _silent_ reading time.

"Great job, Amanda. You're the only one who got a hundred percent _and_ the extra credit," Mrs. Clark smiled, handing the test to Amanda. Amanda's eyes lit up at her test.

"You always do so well, but you should be very proud of this test. I'm sure your parents will be so proud," Mrs. Clark told her student.

Amanda was surprised. Nobody was ever proud of her. She also never got extra credit problems correct, so she was excited about that.

When Amanda's dad got home that night, Amanda decided to show her parents her math test. She figured they would be proud of her. She finally did something right.

"Daddy, Beth Anne, look! I got an A on my math test!" Amanda beamed, handing her test to her parents. Her father scoffed.

"Who did you cheat off of?" Beth Anne cackled, believing there was no way her step daughter could do so well.

"No one," Amanda answered, confused by such a question.

"Big deal. Kimmy always gets A's. She's such a smart kid," James said.

"Aren't you proud? I finally did something right," Amanda stated. James started laughing.

"You never do anything right. I would never be proud of such a pathetic excuse for a daughter," he scowled. Amanda's face fell, and she turned to go back to her bedroom.

Tears spilled from her eyes once she closed the door to her bedroom. She didn't understand. She got an A. Wasn't that a good thing? Why didn't her parents care? Why did they make fun of her? Why did they talk about how Kim was so much better?

Amanda cried for a little while until her stomach growled. She suddenly remembered her lunch she saved. She opened her back and pulled out the bag. There was half a sandwich, a few apple slices, and two Oreos. She bit into the sandwich, grateful for a friend like Sonny.

As she was eating the apple slices, her bedroom door opened. She rushed to shove her food back into her backpack, but her father caught her hiding something.

"What's in your backpack?" James snarled.

"N-nothing, D-Daddy," Amanda stuttered. James sneered as he approached the young girl. Amanda flinched as he bent down and grabbed her backpack. His eyes filled with fury as he discovered the food she was hiding.

"Where did you get this?! You know better than to steal! You don't take food without permission!" James boomed.

"I-I didn't-I didn't st-steal it!" Amanda told him. He gripped her hair.

"Where did you get it then? Did you get it from that neighbor next door?! I saw you talking to her this morning! You don't ask for food! You don't eat without permission!" He growled.

"I-I'm s-sorry, D-Daddy! I-I w-won't do it again!" She whimpered. He threw her on the ground began beating her.

Kicks and punches attacked her torso, leaving large bruises everywhere. When the punches made their way up to her face, her lip was split and her eyes was blackened. Slaps bruised her cheeks. She sobbed and apologized. She pleaded for him to stop, promising to be good.

"I-I'm s-sorry! P-please, st-stop! It hurts!" Amanda cried. She tried to curl into a ball in order to shield herself from hits. He took off his belt and began beating her with the leather materials.

"This is what happens to bad girls! Do you ever wonder why you're the only one who gets beatings?! Kim doesn't get punished because she's a good girl! You deserve this! Learn to behave! If you'd just obey, this wouldn't happen!" James screamed.

"I'm so sorry! I won't-I wont b-be b-bad a-anym-more!" Amanda wailed.

James began unbuttoning his pants. When Amanda noticed, she scrambled into the corner of her room. She hugged her knees to her chest. When he takes off his pants, very bad things happen.

"N-no, no, no, n-no. P-please," Amanda whispered to herself, tears streaming down her face. A hand gripped her hair, causing her to shriek. She was thrown onto her bed. She tried to get up, but he pinned her down.

"P-please, D-Daddy. N-not again. P-please. I won't be b-bad anymore," Amanda sobbed. He undressed her and began groping her.

"Daddy, st-stop!" Amanda cried. He slapped her across the face.

"You do not tell me to stop," he growled. He shoved himself inside of her, and she screamed in pain. She was wailing and pleading for him to stop, but he wouldn't.

When he finished, he got off of his daughter. He exited the bedroom, leaving his daughter naked and crying. The sound of the door slamming caused Amanda to flinch and let out a yelp. She curled into a ball, trembling and whimpering. After a few minutes, she crawled to her bedroom window and looked at the stars. When she found the brightest star, she wished for somebody to love her.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/n: hi, everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you for all the support on this story! xx**

Two days passed by where Olivia saw only Kim walking to school. Both days, Olivia asked Kim where Amanda was, and Kim would say Amanda was sick. Seeing as Kim hesitated the first day she was asked such an unexpected question, Olivia wasn't sure Amanda being sick was the truth, and she decided she would go check on Amanda today. However, today, Amanda was walking alongside Kim.

"Good morning, girls. Amanda, are you feeling better?" Olivia greeted the children.

"Yes," Amanda mumbled, knowing her neighbor believed she had been sick. She was still sore, but the bruises on her face had faded enough to be hidden with make up. She grabbed her sister's hand and tried to leave, but Kim started talking.

"Miss Olivia, guess what?!" Kim started excitedly.

"What?" Olivia asked, mimicking the little girl's excitement.

"Today, we have art class at school!" the younger kid answered happily.

"Oh, that sounds fun!" Olivia smiled, giving Kim her full attention.

"It is!" Kim confirmed.

"Do you have art class too?" Olivia asked Amanda. The older child shrugged. She remembered her teacher saying something about art class, but she didn't remember what day it would be.

"Kim, we have to go," Amanda declared, tugging on her sister's hand.

"But I'm talking to Miss Olivia," Kim protested.

"What time does school start?" Olivia wondered.

"In a half hour," Amanda mumbled, refusing to make eye contact.

"It's only four blocks! We have time to talk to Miss Olivia," Kim insisted.

"Kim, we need to go," Amanda argued.

"Then, you go," Kim shrugged.

"I can't go without you," Amanda huffed.

"I need to be heading to work anyway," Olivia smiled, understanding that Amanda very much wanted to leave.

"See, we're bothering her. Let's go," Amanda commanded.

"Oh, you're not bothering me, girls. I love talking to you in the mornings. I just don't want to be late for work," Olivia quickly responded, her heart sinking.

"Okay. Bye, Miss Olivia," Kim smiled, giving her a hug.

"Bye, Kimmy. Bye, Amanda. Both of you girls, have a nice day," Olivia smiled back. After pulling away from the youngest child, Olivia patted Amanda's shoulder, knowing by now she wouldn't want to be hugged. Amanda flinched at the contact, briefly making eye contact with her neighbor. Olivia disregarded the flinch upon noticing a powdery substance on Amanda's face.

"Amanda, are you wearing make up?" Olivia questioned. A look of fear flashed through Amanda's eyes. She wanted to lie about the make up,, but she was afraid of getting caught. Lying resulted in violent punishments, and she only recently recovered from her last beating. She decided not to lie about wearing make up, but to instead lie about the reason behind it.

"Yes," the young girl sighed.

"Why?" Olivia wondered.

"I have bad acne, and I prefer to hide it," Amanda lied. Few kids had bad acne, and Olivia found it odd for an eleven year old to hide it with make up, but she also grew up insecure. As a kid, she always tried to hide her insecurities, and though she didn't use make up until she was older, she understood the feeling of needing it.

"There's nothing you need to hide about yourself. You are beautiful," Olivia smiled, hoping to encourage Amanda.

 _There's so much about myself I need to hide_. Amanda thought to herself. That thought had less to do with insecurity and more to do with fear. The bullying from her peers seemed like nothing when compared to the abuse from her parents. She wasn't concerned about having pretty eyes or a nice smile; she simply wanted eyes that weren't bruised and a smile that didn't include a split lip.

"Amanda! What did I say about talking to strangers?! Get to school!" a male voice suddenly yelled. Amanda visibly jumped, which sent worry into Olivia's mind.

"Kim was talking to her too!" Amanda pointed out, not understanding why she was the only one who ever got into trouble.

"Daddy, she's a not a stranger! We've met her! She's Miss Olivia!" Kim chimed in.

"Amanda, don't talk back to me! You're the older sister! Take better care of your little sister!" her father growled. Only a blind person would be unable to see the fear in the young blonde's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dad," Amanda apologized, her voice quiet. Her father huffed before getting into his car and driving to wherever it was he went during the day.

"You always get me into trouble," Amanda muttered.

"I didn't do anything," Kim defended herself. Amanda rolled her eyes and began pulling her little sister in the direction of their school.

As the two girls became smaller with the increasing distance, Olivia replayed the scene in her head. She was constantly trying to shake the feeling that something was off about the family next door. Her attempts at forgetting that feeling were unsuccessful. Amanda missed two days of school, and due to lack of evidence, Olivia was logically to assume that Amanda really was sick. Amanda flinched at physical contact, which Olivia had grown used to. Amanda's father scolding her seemed a bit uncalled for. Olivia knew the girls; she was no stranger to them. Olivia had even _met_ James Rollins. She wasn't sure why James was so bothered by it or why he only called Amanda out on it. He claimed it was because she was older, but Olivia didn't find that justifiable. If Olivia were a mother, she'd want both kids to be aware that talking to strangers was wrong, even though this specific situation was mishandled seeing as Olivia was not a stranger to these children. The make up also bothered Olivia. She had never known a child to wear make up at eleven years old except for playing. As a teenager, Olivia began wearing make up in an attempt to cover up two things. She wanted to cover her insecurities, and she wanted to cover bruises her mother gave her.

Olivia recalled memories of her childhood as she drove herself to work. Her childhood hadn't been a happy one. Most children were taught by their parents to ride a bicycle. On the day Olivia's mother was going to teach her, Serena passed out on the couch, and Olivia ended up teaching herself to ride a bicycle. Good parents were happy when their kids earned A's, but Serena Benson never gave her only daughter's grades a second glance. Parents typically attended parent-teacher conferences, but Serena was always too drunk to even consider attending one. Olivia missed out on field trips because Serena was never home or sober to sign permission slips. While most kids had their mothers kiss their skinned knees, Olivia had bruises inflicted on her by her mother. Good parents looked saw their children as miracles, but Serena saw Olivia as a mistake.

 _Olivia was nine years old. She got home from school and was not surprised to see her mother passed out on the couch. It was not an unusual sight. Olivia could smell the alcohol, but she wasn't bothered by it. She was used to it. There were a few empty bottles laying around, and Olivia couldn't tell the difference between the old ones and the recent ones. She wasn't sure why the alcohol made her mother act different, but she wished her mother wouldn't drink it._

 _As Olivia headed to her bedroom, she wondered where her father was. Serena said it was his fault Olivia was here, but Olivia didn't understand why her existence was such a bad thing. She was aware that he somehow hurt her mother, but she didn't know the extent. She did know that she blamed him for the way her life was. She blamed him for making her mother hate her so much. She wasn't sure exactly what he did, but she hated him for it._

 _A few hours passed before Serena woke up. She'd had a nightmare. The nightmare was a sequence of memories she hoped to forget with each bottle of liquor. The nightmare took place when Serena was raped, and it ended when her daughter was born. Anger and depression were hitting hard as usual. She pulled herself up from the couch and stumbled to her daughter's bedroom, screaming the child's name on her way._

 _When Serena entered the bedroom, Olivia could see the lost look in her mother's eyes. Serena grabbed her daughter by her hair and yanked her to her feet. Olivia struggled, trying to get out of her mother's grip._

 _"You were a mistake! I didn't want you!" Serena screamed, slapping the nine year old across the face._

 _Olivia fell the floor. She held her hand over her bruising cheek as tears welled up in her eyes. Her mother didn't hit her everyday. Her mother didn't even see her everyday. As much as Olivia hated showing any bit of weakness, her mother's hits could always pull tears from her eyes. Olivia didn't understand why her own mother would hit her._

 _I must really be a mess up. the nine year old thought to herself._

Olivia pulled into the parking lot and quickly found an empty space. When she got out of the car, she was met with the cold morning air. As she entered the precinct, she walked with her back straight and her head held high. She didn't have this same confidence as a child. Her mother's emotional and physical abuse made it difficult to have a healthy self esteem.

It wasn't until Olivia was a teenager that she understood what had happened to her mother. She understood that she wasn't planned or wanted by her mother, and she could accept that. What really hurt was the fact that after she was born, she _still_ wasn't wanted by her mother. She was still a mistake in her mother's eyes. To Serena, Olivia was a cruel reminder of what happened to her. It was because of her mother that Olivia wanted to be a sex crimes detective. She wanted to put away the people who victimized others. She wanted to help victims in their recovery. She wanted to prove that her existence was more than just a mistake.

When Amanda got to school, she immediately went to the bench she always sat at with Sonny. As she approached the bench, she saw her friend reading a book. When he finally looked up, he smiled, happy to see his only friend at school.

"Where have you been?" Sonny wondered. Though he didn't usually mind being alone, since meeting Amanda, he didn't like being alone at school.

"I was sick," Amanda lied.

"Are you feeling better?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah," Amanda mumbled. Sonny could tell something was bothering his friend, but he knew better than to ask. Amanda didn't like to talk a lot about her feelings.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be at school today, so I didn't bring you a lunch, but we can share mine," Sonny offered.

"Thanks," Amanda smiled, so grateful that someone was willing to share their food with her.

"Hey, Amanda? I have a question," Sonny stated. Amanda immediately felt nervous. She worried that he suspected abuse or wanted to pry about why she never had a lunch.

"What?" Amanda forced herself to ask.

"A few days ago, when I asked about your bruise, you said your sister accidentally hit you with a ball," Sonny began.

"Yeah, she did," Amanda lied, shrugging.

"So why did you tell Mrs. Clark that you got hit at recess?" Sonny questioned. Amanda's mouth felt dry. She wasn't sure how to answer that.

"Um. I-I don't know," Amanda stammered.

"I just don't get why you lied. And did you lie to me or to Mrs. Clark?" Sonny asked with a sigh.

"I. Um, I-I-I j-just," Amanda stuttered, anxiety rising.

"I hate being lied to. Just tell me the truth. It's not that hard," Sonny grumbled.

 _Yes, it is._ Amanda thought to herself.

"I'm sorry, Sonny. I can't tell you," Amanda finally got out.

"Why not?"

"I just can't," Amanda whispered, trying to fight back the tears welling up in her eyes. She was freaking out on the inside so much she didn't even hear the bell ring. When Sonny stood up, a tear escaped her eye.

"Are you still my friend?" she whimpered.

"Are you crying?" Sonny asked surprised. He'd never expect Amanda to cry. THe young blonde sniffled and wiped her eyes.

"It's a secret. I really can't tell you," Amanda mumbled, referring to the reason she lied about her bruise.

"I won't tell anyone if you tell me," Sonny promised.

"I can't," Amanda stated, almost pleadingly.

"Okay, but I'm here if you decide you want to tell someone your secret," Sonny sighed.

"Thanks," Amanda mumbled. He smiled and grabbed his friend's hand. Amanda smiled back.

Sonny really wanted to know what Amanda was hiding. However, he was aware that she wasn't exactly an open person. He didn't want to push her. She was his only friend at school, and he didn't want to upset her. He decided it probably wasn't a big deal anyway, and the two talked about what Amanda missed from being absent as they headed to class.

"Aw man. She's back," a girl muttered as Amanda entered the classroom. Amanda looked down.

"I didn't even notice she was gone," another kid snickered.

"It's not like anyone missed that freak," the first girl stated.

"I missed her," Sonny defended his friend.

"That's because you're her boyfriend, you freak," the girl retorted.

"He's not a freak; you are!" Amanda sneered. The girl glared at Amanda before sitting down. Amanda and Sonny also took their seats. The final bell rang, and everyone who wasn't already in their seats went to their seats.

"Amanda, good to have you back," Mrs. Clark smiled, approaching the child's desk. Amanda was glad to be back. She would rather be at school then at home.

Amanda didn't pay attention as Mrs. Clark began teaching. She instead thought about the other students in her class. It seemed as though they all went home to loving families. Amanda was willing to bet their parents were proud of them when they earned good grades. All the students in her class always had a lunch, whether it was because they brought money or because they brought a sack lunch. At recess, the kids in her class all seemed to have a group of friends to play with. Amanda was grateful for her one friend, but even then, their friendship was only so because they were both outcasts. There was no room on the basketball court or the monkey bars for them. If Amanda or Sonny wanted to play tag with a group of kids, there were too many playing already. How can you have too many players for tag? Not that they wanted to, but if they did want to sit with others at a lunch table, someone would claim the seat was already taken.

Amanda wasn't wanted by her father or by Beth Anne. She wasn't wanted by the other kids at school. She didn't know what exactly was wrong with her, but she wished she knew how to fix it. She wished she was worth loving. She wanted to know what it felt like to be loved. Amanda Rollins was beginning to think her existence was no more than a mistake.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/n: hi, everyone! I really hope you like this chapter! Please, feel free to leave feedback and suggestions! Thank you for your support! :)**

 **Friday night**

Another heartbreaking case had been closed. The entire squad was without ease. None of the detectives could fathom how someone could rape their child. The father was convicted, which was great, but the child was being placed in foster care. All of the cases hit the detectives hard, but this was one of those ones where it hit especially hard. Their most difficult cases were usually the ones where children were involved. The squad was emotionally drained, so they decided to go out for drinks, wanting to unwind and clear their minds after such a hard case. Olivia declined, however, saying she was tired. She _was_ tired, but that wasn't the only reason she declined going out. She couldn't quite explain it, but she just felt like she shouldn't go out. She felt like she needed to be home, and she didn't really want to go to a bar anyway. She wanted to go home, sit on her porch, and look at the night sky.

Beth Anne and Kim were going to a restaurant for dinner. Beth Anne wanted some mother-daughter time, but Amanda knew that wasn't the only reason she was taking Kim out. Amanda's father had mentioned that he had a couple of buddies coming over. Usually when James was out with his friends, they got drunk. Beth Anne didn't want Kim around that. Nobody cared if Amanda was around because she wasn't seen to be as special as Kim. Besides, James said that he wanted Amanda to play a game with him and his friends.

It was around seven when James's buddies showed up. Amanda was attempting to hide in her bedroom. She knew what her father meant when he said he wanted to play a game, and she was terrified. She crawled under her bed, as if hiding would stop her father from what he wanted to do. She heard laughter and heavy footsteps as the men came up the stairs. She curled up under the bed. She held her hands over her mouth and nose to block out any noises her breathing might make. She suppressed whimpers and tried her hardest to hold back tears. When her bedroom door slammed open, it took all of her willpower not to yelp. Her body was violently trembling, and she feared her breathing was too loud.

"Mandy! Come out, come out wherever you are!" Her father called out in a taunting voice. She could see three pairs of shoes, and she registered that there were three men trying to hurt her.

"Come on, Mandy! You know I don't like when you hide from me! It only gets you punished!" James warned her.

"Come on, Mandy! We just want to play!" one of James's friends called.

James looked under the bed and smirked at his trembling daughter. Amanda tried to push herself further under the bed, but James reached under the bed and grabbed her. She yelped as his hand tightened around her wrist and yanked her out from under the bed. She struggled against his grip, and when he let go, she tried to run. However, she couldn't get very far with three men in the room. She backed into a corner, whimpering and begging them not to hurt her.

"It's okay, Mandy. We just want to play, but you have to be punished for hiding first," James told her. He took off his belt and began beating the child with it.

"P-please, D-Daddy! Please, st-stop!" The little girl sobbed. Welts and bruises began to form on her skin. James's friends laughed as they watched such a small child being beaten by her own father.

"Please, Daddy! I-I'm s-s-sorry! I-I'll be a g-good girl!" Amanda cried, trying to get away from the aim of the leather material.

"Now, it's time for our game," he smirked a couple of minutes later. He dropped the belt, and Amanda knew what was coming next. She scrambled into the corner of her bedroom.

"N-no. No, no. No, please. Please, no. P-please," Amanda whispered.

"Get up," he growled. Amanda remained where she was, and James gripped her by her hair and slapped her across the face.

"Who's first?" one of the friends asked.

"Well, she's my daughter, so I should be first," James decided. Amanda continued to struggle as her own father pinned her down and began undressing her.

"This wouldn't happen if you weren't such a bad girl. This wouldn't happen if you hadn't killed your own mother," he growled.

He began forcefully kissing and groping his eleven year old daughter. Her whimpers and pleas seemed to add to his cruel enjoyment. His friends stood around, cheering him on and laughing. When James forced himself inside of Amanda, she let out a loud cry of pain. She struggled, but it was useless seeing as he was much bigger and stronger than her.

"Please, D-Daddy! It-it h-hurts!" Amanda wailed.

"You deserve this! This is what happens to bad girls!" he roared.

"I-I'm s-sorry! I'll b-be-I'll be a g-good g-girl! P-please, st-stop!" Amanda sobbed.

"Shut up!" James boomed, punching her in the face.

Ten minutes later, he came out of her. Amanda scrambled back into the corner, hugging her knees to her chest. She could barely comprehend what her father had just done to her. She was in so much pain, and she just wanted them to leave her alone.

"Your turn, Drew," James said to one of the men. Drew approached Amanda, who was crying hard and trembling. When he touched her arm, she let out a shriek of fear.

"Please, n-no m-more!" Amanda begged. She ran to her father.

"P-please, d-don't let h-him, D-Daddy! P-please! I-I'll be a r-really g-good g-girl!" Amanda sobbed.

"Shut up, Amanda! You'll do whatever Drew wants!" James growled, slapping the little girl.

"Get on your knees," Drew demanded.

Amanda hesitated, which resulted in being slapped by Drew. He shoved her onto her knees and forced her mouth open. Amanda didn't understand what he was doing. He began telling her that she had to swallow and that biting was not allowed. He warned her that a beating was in her future if she bit him. He forced himself inside of her mouth, causing the small child to let out a piercing scream. She struggled, not that it did anything to help her situation though. About five minutes had gone by, but it felt like forever to Amanda. She bit him on accident. She was in pure agony, and her teeth accidentally clenched.

"You little slut!" Drew screamed at her. He pulled out of her and began punching, slapping, and kicking her.

"I-I'm s-sorry! I didn't m-mean to!" Amanda sobbed. When she started throwing up, her father's leather belt came into contact with her skin again.

"He said not to bite! Apologize to him!" James demanded.

"I-I'm s-sorrry!" the young blonde squeaked. The beating went on for a few minutes before James and Drew finally stopped hitting the child.

"Is it my turn?" the third man asked.

"Yes, Jason," James huffed. Jason smirked and rubbed his hands. The little girl tried to move away, but Jaso picked her up and bent her over the bed.

"P-please, st-stop. P-please, n-no m-more," Amanda sobbed. Jason groped and kissed her. He hit her when she struggled too much. He forced himself inside of her from behind, and she screamed in pain.

"No, p-please! I-I'm s-sorry! D-Daddy, p-please, m-make it st-stop!" Amanda wailed.

"No! You deserve this! Now, shut up, and take it!" her father screamed at her.

It was fifteen minutes before Jason finally came out of her. When he did, Amanda ran into the corner. She curled up in a ball, despite the intense pain she was in. The men were all high fiving and decided to go have some drinks.

"That was fun, Mandy. We should do it again soon," James laughed. The three men exited the bedroom, and Amanda flinched and yelped when the door slammed shut.

It took her a half hour before she had the strength to get up and put her clothes on. She was in so much pain, but she needed to shower. She was covered in her own blood, but the bleeding had stopped. As she limped to the bathroom, she didn't hear any noise from downstairs. She figured the men must've left, and she decided to get some food before they came back. She was so hungry, and she figured her shower could wait.

When she got downstairs, she found the three men passed out. They were so drunk. Empty and broken beer bottles were everywhere. One of them started to move, and Amanda thought he was waking up. Ignoring her pain, she ran, desperate not to play another game. As she reached the staircase, she noticed the front door. She could escape now. She could run away. They didn't love her, so they wouldn't look for her. This was her chance.

The thought of running away had hardly ever occurred to Amanda. However, now the idea was starting to seem like the smartest thing to do. She exited the house and started walking, well limping, away. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she was determined to get away.

Next door, Olivia Bensom sat on her porch, drinking a glass of wine. She didn't want to go to a bar, but that didn't mean she didn't want to drink. She was only halfway done with her class, but she figured a second glass would be coming soon. She was hoping to relax and get her mind off of the case with the weekend she had off. She didn't know she was about to catch another case instead.

Olivia noticed a small figure limping in front of her house. It didn't take long to register that the figure was a child. Olivia stood up and stepped forward to get a closer look. She realized it was Amanda. Olivia worried the fears she tried to forget were about to be confirmed.

"Amanda?" Olivia called. Amanda's head shot in the direction of her neighbor.

"What are you doing out so late?" Olivia asked, leaving her porch and approaching the child. She saw that Amanda was crying and trembling.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Olivia asked worried. When Olivia got closer, Amanda flinched and backed away.

"D-don't h-hurt me. P-please, d-don't hurt me," Amanda whimpered. Fear, pain, and brokenness was evident in her eyes.

"I won't hurt you, honey. It's okay. Can you tell me what's wrong?" Olivia asked. She held her hands up so Amanda could see she meant no harm. Olivia tried to grab the child's hand, but Amanda flinched and yelped.

"No, please!" Amanda begged, shielding her face from what she feared was an oncoming blow.

"It's okay, Amanda. I'm not going to hurt you. What are you doing out here?" Olivia asked.

"P-please, d-don't m-make me g-go b-back," Amanda sobbed.

"Okay, sweetie. How about you and I go inside my house, and we can just talk?" Olivia suggested.

"I can't tell you. I can't tell you," Amanda cried.

"It's okay, sweetie. We can figure this out together. Let's go inside and talk. I promise you'll be safe with me," Olivia told her. She offered her hand to Amanda, who flinched away. Olivia hated seeing this young girl so afraid.

"P-please, d-don't h-hurt m-me. I-I'll be g-good. I promise I'll be g-good," Amanda wailed, terrified that Olivia would cause her pain.

"It's okay, Amanda. I won't hurt you," Olivia promised. After a little more coaxing, she convinced Amanda to enter her house.

"Do you think you could tell me what happened?" Olivia asked.

"Nothing happened," Amanda whispered.

"Amanda, something happened. You're covered in blood and bruises and-are those welts?" Olivia questioned. She stepped closer, causing the eleven year old to back

"Honey, who did this to you?" Olivia asked. Amanda didn't answer.

"Amanda," Olivia softly spoke, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder. Amanda flinched.

"Please, don't hit me! I'm not allowed to tell you! It's a secret!" Amanda cried, hoping Olivia wouldn't get angry.

"I'm not gonna hit you. Is this a secret between you and your dad?" Olivia asked. Amanda didn't respond.

"Hey, Amanda? I'm a police officer. I'm a detective, actually. If you tell me who hurt you, I can make sure they never do it again. I won't even tell him that you told me," Olivia promised.

"You can keep all of them from hurting me?" Amanda asked. Olivia's heart shattered.

"Yes, honey. I can keep all of them from hurting you."


End file.
